Funny Drinking Quotes - For Friends (or Alone)

Drinking quotes...Dean Martin to Homer Simpson to Benjamin Franklin...we got ’em. Check out our directory.

Quotes, toasts, sayings reflections on drinking and just funny stuff that may only vaguely pertain to drinking…all can be found below. Yes, there are many millions other drinking quotes we did not think of.

Actually, we were gonna finish this list, but we had to head out before the liquor store closed! So here is our partial directory of drinking quotes. If you would like to submit your own to add - contact us!

We have seen many enjoy using these as a pub crawl caption list - enjoy it and share on Instagram with us!

Nobody cares that you’re smart and nobody cares that your kids don’t have bruises.Jim Jefferies
If you don’t drink, then all of your stories suck and end with: And then I got homeJim Jefferies
Prohibition makes you want to cry into your beer and denies you the beer to cry into.Don Marquis
Brewers enjoy working to make beer as much as drinking beer instead of workingHarold Rudolph
One of the hallmarks of the baby boomer generation is that it doesn’t live like the previous generation. It hasn’t yet given up jeans and T-shirts or beer.Ron Klugman, SVP, Coors Brewing
A drunk mans words are a sober man’s thoughts.Steve Fergosi
The water was not fit to drink. To make it palatable, we had to add whiskey. By diligent effort, I learned to like it.Sir Winston Churchill
I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes. What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?WC Fields
It is better to spend money like there’s no tomorrow then to spend tonight like there’s no money.P.J. O'Rourke
But the greatest love–the love above all loves, Even greater than that of a mother… Is the tender, passionate, undying love, Of one beer drunken slob for another.Irish love ballad
The best place to drink beer is at home. Or on a river bank, if the fish don’t bother you.American folk saying
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.Dave Barry
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.Ernest Hemingway
Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.Sir Winston Churchill
Work is the curse of the drinking class.Oscar Wilde
Beer is the reason I get out of bed every afternoon.Anonymous
Why is there so much wine left at the end of my money?Milan Maximovich
My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that’s not so bad; but New York City?Henny Youngman
I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds, and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.George Best
An alcoholic has been lightly defined as a man who drinks more than his own doctor.Alvan L. Barach
What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for.Irish proverb
Be careful to trust a person who does not like wine.Karl Marx
The road to excess leads to the palace of wisdom.William Blake
The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid.Richard Braunstein
This is one of the disadvantages of wine; it makes a man mistake words for thoughts.Samuel Johnson
Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer.Henry Lawson